proactive vs reactive parenting
proactive vs reactive parenting
I dont like the way it feels to be a reactive parent. As a parent myself, I admit that I'm often caught off guard by the choices of my teenage daughters. Website for moms seeking advice, community, and entertainment. I encourage parents to think about the type of parenting style they want to have before becoming a new college parent. In preparation for sending our high schoolers off to college, parents spend their student's senior year and summer after graduation planning, packing and getting ready for the physical move-in day. My unanticipated reactions are usually reactions that I feel guilty about later. They are using their emotions to make the decision. This is the opposite of proactive parenting it's reactive parenting. They are confident that their rules are growing their children into responsible people who are able to handle lifes challenges. The transition from high school student to new college student is one that educators, professionals and parents know is a big leap. Look at the situation from your kids perspective- Look at how old they are and their development stage, personality type, and what influences their current behavior. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. It can be frustrating when you have a lot to do and with limited time. 
Reactive parenting will suck you in because youre usually thinking, Hes trying to drive me insane. Why is she doing this to me? How many times do I have to tell her? Momstatic states that these thoughts will result in feeling frustrated, self-loathe, and worry, producing actions such as abandonment, punishment, and yelling. In an effort to help give your child language to describe what they are feeling or experiencing, try describing to them what you are noticing, I can see that you came home from school very upset. 
Of course, you want to be a positive, proactive parent and are maybe looking for ways to be more proactive and less reactive. 
Your relationship with your children is something very precious. This style of parenting is defined by strong, strict boundaries with consistent consequences. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Remind yourself that you are not a bad parent, you are a human going through a difficult time. This parent is able to implement those disciplines without acting out emotionally. Of course, not all situations can be prevented or predicted. Implementing strict boundaries can be painful at first, but once the new rule has been accepted as law, the benefits of providing this boundary not only helps you maintain control as a parent, it allows them to experience a certain freedom within those bounds that develops them into responsible, socially aware humans. If you are a wavering style parent, you have set limits but you struggle to follow through with the appropriate discipline. This is not an easy transformation for them physically and psychologically. Children with reactive parents are often also highly reactive and emotional, and test boundaries both in and outside of the home. It does not constitute professional advice. Read on to learn more about proactive and reactive parenting. Proactive parenting is based on our consistency and follow-through. If youre reactive, you end up focusing on repairing. John C. Maxwell. 
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But are these habits healthy for either you or your child? We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Scenario 3: Your student uses Uber Eats to arrange food delivery to their residence hall almost every night. They will know right from wrong. Simply the Worlds Most Interesting Travel Site. Yelling gets you nowhere. If you have set limits for your children but still find yourself constantly in conflict, reacting in anger, frustration, fear, or impatience you are probably parenting reactively. Make sure you check your email to confirm receipt of our newsletter. 
Tell your child you will get back to them when the two of you have decided how to handle the problem. Is it happening at the same time every day? http://educatingtoday.com/parents_resource_guide/. It is not just the toys and gifts given by you that make them happy, but it is rather the soft words and reasoned behavior that bring them closer to you. However, proactive parenting allows me to think with logic and make a plan instead of reacting with emotion. Parenting is not just about the values you wish to inculcate in your child. If the daughter asks her mother for permission to go to her friends house for a sleepover on a Saturday night, the mother straightway refuses the idea. Were sharing our favorite dorm living tips and tricks to help your student create a home away from home. FREE Resource Guide
According to Childhood 101, understand what is influencing their behavior so that you can come up with a potential solution. is a private executive functioning coach for high school and college students and the founder of Fast Forward College Coaching. We wont be going to the mall. In contrast, when were proactive, well say, Ten more minutes of TV, then its time to take your bath. Or when we sing our way through tidying up. You seem like you are feeling angry, did something specific happen to make you feel this way?. Especially if your child is expressing themselves in a physically dangerous way or seems to be a danger to themselves, stay physically present with them until the issue has been resolved. If youre dealing with a recurring behavioral situation, try and identify patterns within your kids behavior or recurring contributing factors- Is there a trigger? I call this proactive parenting and have seen how the proactive parenting mindset can positively impact the perspective of new college parents. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. 
Create a signal between you and your partner that conveys you need help when you are in conflict with your child. Review what your limits really are. Look for a way to avoid the development of a negative situation- For example, if your baby is resisting bath time, you can try and make it more fun by adding bath crayons. Reactive parenting teaches behavior manipulation. If they ask you countless questions every day, (instead of getting exhausted by that) you question them back and you can find answers together. Know what they love doing the most, something that makes them get up from their bed even if they are sleepy. This style of parenting allows new college parents to react with grace and patience when their teenager struggles in college. Oof. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Reactive Style: It is difficult to see a friend-like relation in the reactive parenting case, as kids do not experience the warmth sometimes. Empathize- According to Additude Mag, your child needs to know that you understand what she is feeling and stand with her. As a fellow human, its ok for you to share how the situation has made you feel as well. 
Taking tips and lessons from those memories is the natural and best way to plan a strategy as a parent. Talk about this when neither of you is upset about a parenting dilemma. Get your child involved- When kids crave our attention, theyll sometimes act up. Best Subjects to Minor in for College Students. 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. Remember, children lack the emotional regulation skills that we have as adults. There are generally considered to be three types of parenting styles: reactive, wavering, and proactive. You have the key. Let your child know that youre present and are aware of their behavior but wont engage (and, therefore, worsen) them further in a negative way. It is when people tend to react (mostly by showing anger) as a response to the misbehavior of their child.In this case, parents are annoyed or get angry at the childs rebellious behavior, which puts them off. These cookies do not store any personal information. Think of yourself as an external brain guiding them toward a greater understanding of their emotional capacities. In this example, the parents give in, parenting reactively because there are nutrition concerns at play and, of course, that ever-gnawing feeling every parent has that they are doing something wrong. Jennifer Sullivan, M.S. Proactive parenting is anticipating the achievements and struggles of your college student and envisioning how you will respond before the experience happens. It takes repetition to form habits so you will be implementing consequences somewhat frequently. Dont react to your childs behavior. Consistency and self control are the two keys that work hand in hand to correctly disciple and lead our children. Join our college parent newsletter! This bonding between parents and kids may, however, not always be strengthened by doing things in their favor. Jennifer lives in southeastern CT and helps students across the country improve their time management and organization skills. It is an attitude that we have built over years, which has a link to how we got along with our parents as we grew older.
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